5 Things I’ve Learned From A Long Distance Relationship…

1) They Are Tough.

Long-distance is not for everyone and now I know why…it’s stinking hard, even when you are with the right person. If you aren’t willing or ready to put in the effort and hard work then I would suggest not entering a long distance relationship. It’s not for the faint of heart. It will at times test your patience and may even make you question what you got yourself into (usually more-so in the beginning)…but never be too quick to throw in the towel.

 2) Great Relationships Don’t Just Happen, They Are Built.

You don’t just wake up and have great relationships. Sure some seem easier than others, but all require maintenance and upkeep. This is the same when it comes to long distance, but it is concentrated. Since you can’t just meet up and hang out, you need more strategy. You have to be specific and intentional in how you do things long-distance in order to grow while you are apart.

Abby and I make sure we text a lot, email a lot, share interests with each other throughout the day (through email, twitter, and facebook) and then call and/or video chat at night. It’s our way of staying in touch with one another and feeling like we are doing an activity with the other person, thereby, supporting interest and building a relationship.

 3) Intentional Communication is Key

I can’t stress this one enough. You have to be intentional in your communication. If you are not, you simply won’t talk or communicate well. Be intentional with your schedules and talk about and plan when the best time to talk is and be consistent with it. If you need to, put those times in your calendar as date nights and protect that time you have to talk and communicate with the other person. These times will be vital to your health and growth as a couple.

Abby and I talk at night, we have found this works best for us. We both have had to make changes at times to our scheduling to make this work. I make sure to and do my work earlier in the evening so that I’m free by the time she is able to talk.

 4) Technology Can Be A Huge Blessing.

Abby and I started out just talking on the phone, which is normal. Then she got a Mac (finally ) and we just started iChatting and video chatting (which totally made things better). If at all possible, in a long-distance relationship, I would suggest some type of Skype, Facetime, or other video-chatting program, it makes a huge difference when you can see the other person and not just hear them. This adds a more human and emotional experience to your communication. You are just hearing words and processing things logically, but now your seeing them and feeling them, which will totally change things and have the ability for you to grow as a couple quicker than it would with just a traditional phone conversation.

 5) Be Gracious.

No ifs, ands, or buts…you just need to be. You need to develop a slightly thicker skin, you need to give them the benefit of the doubt, and you need to ask before assuming. Unfortunately even with cutting-edge technology, things will get lost in translation. Nothing beats a face-to-face personal conversation. Everybody has bad days and it will only get amplified through the medium you use. Usually just asking one more follow-up question, or asking them to clarify, is all it takes to avoid many arguments that stem from misinterpretation or misunderstandings.

Also make sure you are trying to bring your best to them and not just your leftovers. Leftovers will kill the relationship…they deserve better! It may be the end of a really long and tough day, and you may being feeling empty, frustrated, and annoyed; but your partner doesn’t know that and it’s not fair for them to get you at your worst.

There are so many more things I could mention and maybe one day I will. Maybe a dating e-book for long distance relationships, haha, we shall see…I hope this helps.

Also for your reference, Abby and I are about 1200 miles away from each other and have been long-distance for about 12 out of the 13 months we’ve been dating.